During a wedding so much love is exchanged. And while everyone focuses on the bride and groom there are those gorgeous women who have actually arranged everything. Ladies who are joyous for the celebration but sad that their child is now all grown up and is moving away. Ladies who shed a few tears in the privacy of their room before they come out all smiling to the outside world, those people we call the Mother of the Bride (or MOB)
In this post I am interviewing three such gorgeous ladies – I am interviewing the MOB (Mother of the Brides). Three gorgeous Moms who have managed the bridezillas in their daughters. Mothers who would go any distance to see the satisfactory smile on their daughters face.
Mother 1: Namita Sinha. A Director in a logistics firm, she got her only daughter married off in 2010. It was an arranged marriage. She is also popularly known as my Bua.
Mother 2: Rupa Amitabh. A homemaker and a brilliant musician by passion. She got her elder daughter married in the October of 2012. It was a love marriage. She is popularly known as my Mami.
And Meet the most special person, Mother 3: Rashmi Aparna Shekhar. A fashion consultant and the name behind the fashion label RAS. Mother of two daughters both of whom are married (in 2011 and 2013). Both were love marriages. She is popularly known as my MAMMA!
The purpose of this conversation was to understand what really runs through a MOB’s mind. What emotions is she going through? And so I started off with my first question.
How did you convince your daughter that it was time to get married? Or did she convince you?
Mother 1 said that both of them convinced each other. Mother 1 convinced her daughter to meet the guy (since it was an arranged marriage) and then after meeting the guy the daughter convinced the mother. Mother 2 said that she cajoled the daughter into coming to a decision. This was a love marriage so the daughter already liked the guy but was not sure if she wanted to get married first or pursue higher education. Finally the daughter decided that she would get married. Mother 2 left the decision to her daughter. Mother 3 (Mommy), I know was toughie. The daughters (including me) had to convince her to meet the guys. Both of us had a love marriage. But once she met the guys, Mother 3 was convinced. In a way, the grooms convinced our Mother 3.
What goes into planning a wedding?
All three mothers feel that there is a lot of planning that goes into a wedding – from a guest list to each function. The detailed planning requires full attention and a lot of help. None of the mothers hired a professional help. And in a typical middle class Indian wedding, the concept of hiring a planner is unheard. While Mother 1 (who, by the way, was first in our family to get her daughter married) planned every detail with the help of the entire family (immediate and extended) and friends, Mother 2 took a lot of help from her daughter (the bride) who already had a lot of ideas for her wedding (she researched a lot on how she wanted things). Unfortunately, Mother 3 did not have a lot of help from her daughters (the brides) – when I was getting married, I was completely engrossed in work. And when my sister was getting married she was studying (so she arrived just a week before the wedding date). However, the sister of the bride did help. In my wedding the planning was done by Mom, Dad, my sister and her fiance. And during her wedding it was done by Mom, Dad, AB and me. Mother 2 recommended writing down and creating a checklist, and revisiting it every time to check off the completed items.
How emotional were you when your daughter got married?
Mother 1 said that it was a mixed set of emotions – she was happy that her daughter was to start a new life but the proximity between them was going to go away. But then she happily admitted that her daughter was only a call away. Mother 2 said that the thought did not sink in till the day of Haldi when she saw her daughter in the yellow saree. She did get emotional then – but then because of the whole hectic schedule of the wedding she did not have time to let it sink in. Mother 3 felt really sad. She said that this was the only time when she felt the difference of a daughter and son. Cause after marriage the boys house would be rejoicing for the new addition, but the girls house would be saddened by the vidai of their daughter.
What was running through your mind when you saw your daughter as a bride?
All three mothers said that they felt that their daughters made the prettiest bride. Mother 2 said that she got super emotional when she saw her daughter walk down under the “phoolon ki chaadar”. None of them wanted to talk more – they felt that they would end up crying. And I did not want to risk that. Imagine the scolding I would get.
Post marriage – how do you feel being a mother -in law?
And this question brought a smile to all their voices (it was a telephonic conversation). Mother 1 said that she felt very proud of herself that she got her daughter married to such a wonderful person. *touchwood*. Mother 2 said that she does not feel the difference – its like having three children instead of one. Mother 3 went “Awwwwwww….” for a long long time. Finally she said that she got two sons who have completed her family.
Word of advice to other mothers?
Unanimously all the three mothers said that the mothers should NEVER interfere in their children’s life – and this advice goes to both the Mother of the Bride and the Mother of the groom. Mother 3 said that mothers should be a guiding force but never interfere until the children ask for help.
Great and really fun interview. Thanks to all these gorgeous ladies. Hope you had a fun time reading this. I had a fun time doing this interview 🙂
Other Articles related to the Wedding Issue:
- Bride Speak: North meets South
- Getting a Wedding Card made in Bangalore
- Sangeet Trousseau
- My Shudh Desi Romance Part 1
- My Shudh Desi Romance Part 2
- My Shudh Desi Romance Part 3
- The Karva Chauth Guide
You can also view the entire series on the Monthly Mag page.